My Journal

“Walking back from the center of town, after a pleasant dinner at my favorite local restaurant, I got choked up. This would be my last meal (hopefully at least) in my homeland of Mexico. As the sun disappeared into the colorful, majestic clouds of night, I began to prepare myself for the journey of a lifetime; I was going to cross the border and enter the land of the free: America. My two-room shack seemed abnormally quiet on this night, but every little noise added to my anxiety. Being that my journey would be a long one, I packed very light; a couple shirts and shorts, socks, a large canteen of water, and most importantly a jar of dirt from an eroded garden outside my house. This dirt symbolized my upbringing. Although I was embarking on a journey to a completely new country with an array of new opportunities, I will never forget Mexico. It has made me the man I am today. Because I can feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes, I am going to stop discussing my past and continue with my future. I laid in bed, or more accurately rolled around in a cold sweat, for nearly five hours before I finally fell asleep. I almost wish I hadn’t fallen asleep because my dreams (or nightmares) that night only made me more anxious. I saw myself in handcuffs pressed up against a border patrol vehicle. As I exited my home at 5:30 AM, I could not get that image out of my head. Everything was surreal; I could not believe that this day had finally come. My head was itchy, my face was as hot as the rising sun, my heart was beating faster than ever before, and my legs were shaking like leaves in a windstorm. I started this journey by on my own and hopefully will successfully enter America on my own. This journey was either the beginning of my new life, or the beginning of the end.”

“As I ventured further and further away from my hometown (a small town outside of Guadalajara) I became more lonely. There were less signs of civilization and the scorching heat even scared away most animal life. My imagination kept me going. I would think of myself wearing a nice shirt and a tie entering a prestigious company building somewhere in Los Angeles as a true American citizen. Imagine that? Everything else in my life seemed to disappear when dreams like that popped into head. Being alone was great for a short period of time but after a while it seemed to bring down my spirits. It made my journey feel endless. Luckily, after what seemed like hours of walking, a came across a small town smack in the middle of the desert. There was not much there but I was able to find a family who offered to give me a bed and a meal. Day 1 is complete.”

“The brightness and suffocating heat of the sun woke me up the next morning. The home that I had stayed in for the night was deserted when I strolled out of ‘my’ small room alongside the kitchen. There was a dish with fresh fruit on the counter in which I completely devoured within seconds. The sweetness of the pineapple and the tanginess of the mango rejuvenated my entire body and mindset. Not wanting to waste any time, I gathered my stuff, wrote a note reading “Gracias mis amigos”, and took off into the horizon. Because I felt great, concerning food and water, from the fruit, I failed to remember to pack any water for my day’s journey. After an hour of two of being pelted by rays of the hot Mexican sun, I began to die down. I saw something in the distance but I couldn’t make out what it was. MIO DIOS! (Oh my God!) In front of my eyes was a luxurious beach side resort. The pool was big and the water was so relaxing. There were trays of food and drinks just for me. Was I in heaven? I soon found out that this so called resort did not exist. Dr. Rivera told me the story when I woke up in a hospital bed the next morning. Day 2 is complete.”

“While sitting up in a hospital bed, sipping on a cold glass of water, Dr. Rivera told me what had caused my first ever visit to a hospital to occur. Apparently I suffered from a severe case of dehydration. Luckily, a man from the nearby town spotted my sprawled out on the dry, light brown dirt. The resort that I had seen was indeed a mirage. I thought that those only existed in movies, but I guess not. I thanked Dr. Rivera for helping me recover and I walked out of the hospital with my head held high. A billboard hung from a building directly outside of the hospital, “Come to America, the best country in the WORLD!!!” This was a sign; I had to get there. America here I come. Day 3 is complete.”

“I could feel it. I was getting closer and closer with every step that I took. My clothes were stained yellow from the accumulation of sweat and dirt from the past three days. The street signs alongside the roads were transforming from Spanish words to English words. No longer did the red octagonal sign read “Alto”, it read, “Stop”. After a light meal at a local taco stand, I rested my back up against a tree and went into a daze. I was not asleep but I was most definitely out of it. I had to plan my route to cross the border without being spotted by the bloodthirsty border patrol of America. I sat under that tree until the sunset and all light transformed to darkness. I spotted a group of about six or seven Mexican men that undoubtedly had the same goal as I did: get into America safely. As they disappeared into the dessert, I followed behind from a distance. I watched there every move. As we edged closer to the border my nerves skyrocketed. My hands were as sweaty as Patrick Ewing’s forehead after an overtime game. I became woozy and began to see dark spots every time I blinked. The six men that I had been tracking for nearly an hour kneeled down, almost waiting for a gunshot to go off for “their race” to begin. Five minutes later, they all went into a dead sprint. Their bodies disappeared until a big, bright light appeared. There were sirens and two or three gunshots went off before is all of the men pinned up against a cop car in handcuffs. I could not fully understand what the officers were saying, but they were screaming and physically abusing the men. After watching this happen, to fellow countrymen nonetheless, doubts about my master plan popped into my head. Why would I want to go to a country after seeing these men getting beaten and verbally abused? What is the point? I sat in my “hiding spot” for another five or ten minutes and decided to do something that I never thought I’d do on this journey. I turned my back to the border and began my journey back to my hometown in Mexico. There was no point for me to attempt to sneak into a country that truly did not want me there. Mexico was my homeland and that is where I will stay. My journey is now complete.”

Quotes

Throughout the novel, many lessons were taught to Mai by her mother: "you have to stand up to the Americans if you want anything in this country (p. 23). Although Mai and her family left Vietnam, her country "had a special pull" for her. "It was where her mother was born" (p. 102). After death and hardship, Mai finishes the novel with a great quote: "Outside, a faint sliver of what only two weeks ago was a full moon dangled like a sea horse from the sky" (p. 260).

Coming to America: What's the Point???

For most immigrants, there is nothing better than the idea of coming to America. My question for these people is: What is the point? They are leaving their homelands because they are escaping poverty, war, or just in pursuit of a better life. The fact is, life in America (for these anxious immigrants) is no different from their lives previous to entering the borders of “the best country in the world”. They are treated as if they are the lowest piece of the totem pole and still live amongst people from their homelands. My lesson plan basically deals with the idea that there is no point for immigrants to come to America. TV shows and movies may make America seem like a great place to come to, but it truly is not (at least for many immigrants). Their lives remain virtually the same. Below are some videos, pictures, and articles to help you better understand my topic. Enjoy!

Assignment
I know all of the blog posts are overwhelming, so I will stay away from making you do ANOTHER post. While sitting in my room, trying to be creative for once, I actually thought of a decently creative assignment (with the help of Carly of course). I want you to research your ancestors roots: find out where they immigrated from, where they ended up living in America, why they came here, and any other information you can come up with while searching the Internet or talking with your relatives. I think that this “ancestor finder” will help you out just a little bit. Once you have gathered up your information, I want you to create an ID card for an ancestor or group of ancestors. You should include a picture, the information you gathered (where they are from, where they lived, etc…), and a list of stereotypes that those particular people face in America today (not inappropriate ones of course). You also should ask yourself and include on the ID card, why people of the same ethnic background live near each other and why they still come to America even though their situations do not improve. I hope this assignment is not too confusing; I am just trying to get my point across in a creative way. GOOD LUCK and have fun finding your ancestors!

Finding articles and clips relating to immigration is a very easy task, but I know no one will read or watch any boring clips so I attempted to use “funny sources”. While searching YouTube, I came across a Family Guy clip that relates to immigration. Everyone knows Family Guy is a classic, so this clip should generate some laughs (even though making fun of immigrants is no where near funny!).

I know everyone is sick of blogs and “blogging”, but I found a pretty cool blog dealing with Asian Americans. There is no specific topic but just about the general lives of Asian Americans. As you all know, it is easy to stereotype and put down immigrants and minority groups. This article from the Asian Journal disproves many sterotypes!

Since I am one of two people in the class to read Monkey Bridge, I am going to direct you to Friedy’s Blog to get a different perspective and lesson plan relating to our book.

Two things that I am not so familiar with (I’m hate using technology of any sort) are EBSCO and iTunes. However, since this project means so much to me, I will give you a source to use for this project from each of these databases. USA Today has an interesting article discussing the detention center for immigrants in America. On iTunes, I want you to search for Led Zepplin’s “Immigrant Song” and Nas’s “I Know I Can”. These songs briefly discuss immigration and are also two very good songs to listen to! Check out the music videos on YouTube.

Socratic Seminar Monkey Bridge

Being that this is such a large group, here are some in depth questions for the Monkey Bridge socratic seminar:

1. What is the significance of the family not being able to visit their grandfather back in Vietnam?

2. What role does Mai and her family's immigration to the United States have on the younger members of their family?

3. Why do immigrants decide to come to America?

4. The time period in which Mai and her family came to America was not a great time to come because of the outlook of Vietnamese in America. The war had just ended in Vietnam and Americans did not like the people of Vietnam. Compare this to such things as the Japanese Internment Camps after WWII. 

5. How does communism tear people apart? Give some specific examples about Mai's family.

6. Why is a proper burial so essential to Mai's mother? 

Asian Americans in School

It is still tough, regardless of the progressive strides that America has taken, for an Asian American to truly fit in to society, especially in schools. Jay Matthews’ "Asian American Students and School Stereotypes" introduces the idea of discrimination against Asian Americans in schools around the country and discusses in detail a small yet very intriguing study done by an undergraduate student at Harvard University. Jenny Tsai, a Chinese American, created the study ‘Too Many Asians at this School’; a study in which Tsai interviewed 27 Harvard undergraduates (15 Asian Americans, 12 whites, and one Asian American at Boston College). The information she uncovered in these interviews (all of these students attended top academic high schools) was very revealing to the outlook Asian Americans have in a school environment. Tsai found that the majority of these Asian Americans felt that acting “white” was considered to be a good thing (Matthews, 1). Although the undergraduates at Harvard are very dedicated and hard-working students, Tsai explains that these Asian American students felt cool by acting “white”. Tsai wrote in her study that “among blacks, ‘acting white’ is socially stigmatized, but Asian students who ‘act white’ usually occupy the more socially prestigious positions” (‘Too Many Asians at this School). Towards the middle of the article, Tsai this point of acting “white” is reiterated: “They [Asian Americans] saw having only white friends as sort of a badge of honor” (Matthews, 1). The conclusion of this article deals with the idea of racism. Tsai said that many Asian students at Harvard felt that their label as the “model minority carried a negative connotation of being competitive, lacking passion and being calculating” (‘Too Many Asians at this School). The variety of stereotypes that have been attached to Asian Americans (especially dealing with academics) has changed their culture and ways of life.
Although I can not respond to this article first hand (I’m not Asian), I do have thoughts on a few topics discussed throughout the article. First, the statement that Tsai uses in her study about black people not wanting to act “white” while Asians do in fact want to act “white” is very accurate. The stereotypes created by society have given African Americans a tough and “ghetto” complexion as opposed to the Asian Americans who have received the nerdy and smart complexion. The African Americans do not want to take a step down whereas the Asian Americans want to take a step up by acting “white”. Obviously, not all black people are “ghetto” and not all Asians are nerdy; unfortunately this is what American society has come to. In a day and age where appearance is everything, Asian Americans have begun to change their way of life because of what other people think of their race as a whole. Michael Friedberg, the second person reading Monkey Bridge, read an interesting article that basically stated that all Asians (Koreans, Chinese, Japanese, etc.) are group as one race throughout society. The many different Asian countries carry tons of culture and tradition that are very different from one another. Similarly, the large amounts of Asian Americans are not all the same people; they have different characteristics and ways of life from one another. My final thought on this topic is my personal thought on the origin of the academic stereotypes that Asian Americans face everyday. There are always stories on the news and Internet of Asian parents pressuring their kids to get good grades and study for hours every day in order to get into prestigious colleges and receive prestigious jobs. I think that Asian people are brought up a different way than Americans are because of their culture. The ways of life of people growing up in Korea or Japan are much different (in most cases) than those of people growing up in America. Their cultures and values are undoubtedly unlike those of America. Once again, not all Asian Americans are raised in a strict and unforgiving household, but this is where I think the stereotypes stem from. The fact of the matter is stereotypes towards different racial and ethnic groups must be erased in order for American society to truly be successful.
As society continues to make strides in the right direction, it is regressing at the same time. Jenny Tsai’s study brings the Asian American’s view on their many stereotypes regarding academics and school in general. It seems, after reading the article, that many Asian Americans are beginning to forfeit their traditions, culture, and personalities because of the way in which they are viewed by society. Sure, many Asian students do attend prestigious universities and colleges, but this does not mean that they are all nerds. There should not come a time in which a race of people feel the need to abandon their identities in order to “fit in”; unfortunately it feels as if this time is beginning to come. All races, from Hispanics and Blacks to Asians must accept who they are.

Matthews, Jay. "Class Struggle:Asian American Students and School Stereotypes."
The Washington Post [Washington D.C.] 8 Jan. 2008: 1. 17 Mar. 2009
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Girls Are Catching Up to the Boys

“Catching up to the Boys, in the Good and the Bad”

Over a long period of time, society has set guidelines and expectations for each individual; both males and females. Up until this point, if a crime has been committed, the majority of people assume that a male is the culprit. Likewise, if there was a nameless paper with an “A” on the top of it, a girl is likely to be the owner of the test/quiz. In the present, 2009, girls are (like the title of the article says) catching up to the boys. “Teenage girls now equal or outpace teenage boys in alcohol consumption, drug use and smoking” as shown by surveys (Aratani, page 1). The fact of the matter is, society is “taking the shackles” (Garbarino, page 1) off of girls and exposing them to the positive and negative aspects of everyday life. Teenage girls now equal or outdo teenage boys in alcohol consumption and drug use and consumption according to national surveys (Aratani, page 1). Experts feel that females feel “empowered” when they consume alcohol or take part in drug use. In combination with this sense of power and a teenager’s natural feeling of invincibility, many problems can occur. An 18-year-old female from Bethesda said that “girls are just as bad as boys are, we do what we want to do when we want to do it.” Although there is no true reason for more teenage girls are experimenting with drugs or getting into fights, experts contribute it to the fact that the gap between genders is closing rapidly. Deborah Prothrow-Stith, a professor at Harvard University, stated that since society is offering the same opportunities to both girls and boys, they’re [girls] exposed to both the positive and negative aspects of society. Another contributing factor to “girls catching up to the boys” is stress. A clinical psychologist in Fairfax County, Beverly Parker-Lewis, explains “kids are looking for something when they feel stressed. Sometimes, the result is negative behavior.” Both academic and peer pressure contribute to female teenagers getting involved with drugs and alcohol. Christine Whitaker, a therapist from Bethesda feels that girls “work so hard to prove themselves all the time. Then, when the weekends come, they blow it all out.” Between drugs and alcohol and reckless driving habits, there is no doubt that society has opened the doors for girls to eliminate their stereotypes created in society.
Over time, females’ role in society has changed dramatically. Groups of people who have been restricted by society (African-Americans, Hispanics, women, etc) in the past have all “caught up” in the future. I feel that technology is the main reason for the transformation of women as a whole. Women are supposed to take care of the family, cook, and clean; at least that’s what people used to think. Nowadays, the boundaries for women are endless; presidential candidate, star athletes, movie stars, singers, and the list goes on and on. From cell phones to facebook and myspace, everyone has equal access to anything and everything that is present in society. Like Russia during the World Wars in the early 20th Century, there are still people who view women no differently than they were viewed for the last 200 years. Although this sounds wrong and horrible, it may not be too bad of a thing. Lori Aratani discusses the negative transformations that women/young ladies have unfortunately gone through. Starting at young ages (13-18), the negative influences and pressure presented by society has caught up with females. “Oh I know I’m going to drink this weekend,” said a teenage girl from Silver Spring. A lot of girls feel that drinking vodka or smoking weed is a necessity for every weekend in order to have fun. In my eyes, I almost feel that they, the younger generation of females, are trying to catch up (as the article’s title refers to) to males. Girls, or anyone else who is reading this, please don’t freak out. I am not being “mean” to the female population. I just feel that after years and years of being essentially denied the privileges that males have had since the beginning of time, it is natural for negative results to occur. Yes, more high school and college girls will drink and experiment with drugs. In the past drinking and drug usage has been affiliated with males. That is not the case at all anymore. Unfortunately for women, when there are positive changes, there will also be negative ones. Trying to think of a comparison to this societal transformation was not easy but I think this one makes sense: If you keep an animal (don’t worry girls I’m not calling you animals) for an extended period of time and then gradually release the animal back into the wild, what do you think they will do? Obviously, they will run free and try to make up for lost time. This is what has happened with females. This article highlights how teenage girls are essentially becoming similar to, concerning drinking, drugs, and driving, the boys. Although I do agree with this idea I feel that the positive growth of women in society has led to the minor setbacks. The gradual process of women receiving more opportunities and individual liberties has had both positive and negative results.
The times are definitely changing. The younger generations of females are experiencing a new sense of freedom that women in the past never felt. As time goes on, the gap between women’s right and men’s rights will continue to close. In “Catching up to the Boys, in The Good and the Bad” the unfortunate statistics proves this point. With society’s accepting attitude, the opportunities for women will continue to grow. Since females are more comparable to males, they have acquired their lifestyle to an extent. More and more teenage girls and young women are getting into car accidents (a very male dominated “thing to do”). The alcohol and drug abuse is an obvious change in the lives of girls. Even at Pascack Hills, a sheltered and very high-end school, there are plenty of girls who act more like boys in terms of alcohol consumption and drug use. Numbers don’t lie. In the times when women’s lives were restricted by society there were rebellions and protests for equal rights. Now that many of the restrictions have disappeared, problems and conflict has appeared. The fact of the matter is that women are catching up to men. The question is: is that a good thing?

Socratic Seminar

1. For the heterosexism blog post what show did you choose to write about? What kind of obstacles do they face with the people close to them and from society?
2. The message that was supposed to be taken from The Twilight Zone episode is that “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. Do you agree with the article that we read relating Janet’s situation to homosexuality? If so, what aspects of the episode make you think so?
3. Heterosexual Privilege basically talks about how heterosexual people have many advantages over homosexuals. Do you think that people are becoming more tolerant of the gay community or is it still looked down upon?
4. The Six Feet Under episode depicts a man who suffers inside but appears to be completely okay on the outside concerning his homosexuality? Do you think more people are like gay man who was beaten to death or David the mortician?
5. Not Just Another Prom Night describes two girls who are 100 percent comfortable with their sexuality. At Pascack Hills you need to have a note from your parents if you want to go to the prom with a person of the same sex. What are your thoughts about this rule?
6. Do you know any person who has recently come out of the closet or is struggling to tell people about their “secret”? Does their sexual preference change the way you look at or treat them?
7. What does the media (TV, movies, news) do to contribute to stereotypes in society?

Dog Day Afternoon

The HBO comedy series “Entourage” has become a household name for television lovers around the country. The show is a half an hour of sex, drugs, and partying. The glamorous lifestyle that Vince, the movie star, and his three best friends, Vince’s entourage, lives makes for a very entertaining show. Being that Vince is a star living in LA, he obviously has an arrogant yet very comical agent virtually controlling his every move. Ari Gold, or “the most powerful agent in the business” as he calls himself, has been Vince’s agent ever since “Vinny and the boys” came out to LA. Ari is known for his quick, on the spot humor and boisterous personality, especially in public places. The character who feels the wrath of most of Ari’s jokes is his newly hired assistant Lloyd (a homosexual man). It is almost as if Ari feels as if he is powerful enough to be able to stereotype and emotionally abuse Lloyd without any consequences. He not only attacks his sexual preference but also his ethnicity (Lloyd is of Mongolian descent). The relationship between Ari and Lloyd provides the show with humor but also displays the heterosexual outlook and attitude in television.
In the third season of “Entourage” there is one episode in particular (although the majority of the episodes would apply) that displays Ari’s heterosexual personality. The episode titled “Dog Day Afternoon” includes Ari’s pursuit of a new client. Jay Lester, an A-List TV writer, just fired his agent and Ari is quick to set up a meeting to discuss their future “together”. He decides to bring Lloyd along because Lester is a homosexual. Ari explains the situation fully to Lloyd:
Ari: He’s never had a straight agent. If I’m going to be his first, I have to show him that I am a friend to the gay man.
Lloyd: But, you’re not a friend to the gay man, Ari.
Ari: Lloyd, this is a big one. So just go grab your best dress and know that today your love of c**k is a huge asset to this company.
At the lunch meeting, it is obvious from the get go that Lester is very attracted and interested in Lloyd. He even spoon feeds Lloyd some of his meal and uses the word “silly” to describe Lloyd’s rule of not eating off someone else’s plate. While this feeding so to say is going on, Ari can barely watch. He makes faces of disgust and basically covers his eyes to hide himself from the seemingly “gay” act. Making a long story short, Lester calls back Ari and agrees to sign him as his agent; however, there is a catch. Lloyd has to deliver the papers to Lester for him to sign them. Although concerned, Lloyd agrees to meet Lester at a gay bar in LA that night. As the night progresses, Ari feels guilty about making Lloyd sell himself in order to sign Lester so he makes a guest appearance at the bar. Surprisingly, Ari steps in and sticks up for Lloyd. He simply tells Lester that his agency “may be pimps, but they are not whores.” Along with other sub-stories, “Dog Day Afternoon” is a classic episode because of Lloyd.
This episode, along with many of the other episodes of “Entourage”, includes a lot of homophobic humor. It is used, in my opinion, because it is something that has been deemed a humorous topic throughout society. Lloyd is very comfortable with his sexual preference and it is obvious to everyone that he is a part of the gay community. It seems that whenever Ari is under pressure or stressed out, he takes it out on Lloyd being a homosexual. His jokes hit on topics such as Lloyd’s voice, fashion sense, and dating history among many more aspects of his life. At times Lloyd just rolls his eyes and shrugs it off but other times Ari’s seemingly playful jokes really irritate him. Ari essentially has power over Lloyd; he can fire him whenever he pleases. This component of their relationship contributes to Ari’s actions towards Lloyd’s lifestyle. I chose this particular episode because of one main reason: Ari’s attitude changes 180 degrees from beginning to end. During dinner with his wife (a very pretty older woman) Ari begins to feel guilty about making Lloyd do something he does not want to do in order to get himself a very prestigious client. He quickly and illegally turns the car around on the LA highway to “rescue Lloyd”. At the club, Ari explains to Lester that the club is in an area of town that “he only drives through fast.” Although this is another attack on the gay community, Ari is undoubtedly sticking up for his flamboyant assistant. On the way out of the club, while being grabbed and touched by people in the club, Lloyd lets Ari know that he is appreciative of what he did for him. This act by Ari does not take away the fact that he mocks homosexuals, but this episode shows that he does understand where to draw the line. Heterosexism is and will be a part of TV, movies, athletics, and everyday life for a long time to come. Society has to be able to reduce the usage of "gay jokes" and public mocking of the gay community in order for it to come to an end. Could this actually be done?

Introduction

There is a inalienable set of rules that a person must follow from birth. Society sets the standards of "acceptable" actions for people. A girl who likes to read Sports Illustrated more than Seventeen is out of the "norm." Similarly, a guy who would rather sing or dance as opposed to playing a game of two hand touch is "weird" in society. Jamaica Kincaid's poem "Girl" is a mother setting the rules for her daughter's life as a woman. The poem describes what this young girl can or cannot do as a woman in society. Although I am not anywhere near the type of writer that Jamaica Kincaid is, I wrote a poem based off of her poem "Girl". "I Want to be Like Mike" is a poem that describes how to be like Michael Ian Friedberg. His past, present, physical and emotional characteristics are all described throughout my poem. Whether we like it or not, society's guidelines and expectations as humans are with us for our whole lives. 

I Want to be Like Mike

Wake up in the mornings with blurry vision; search for the high powered daily contacts located on the dresser; make sure to eat at least three bowls of cereal for breakfast, but not raisin bran because that is too healthy; pretend that your dog can actually see who you are; when shopping for clothes make sure that you go to the Big and REALLY Tall store; if you wear shoes that match the rest of your outfit you’re doing something wrong; speaking of shoes, size 14 is not nearly big enough you need to buy size 15; don’t get new and fancy cell phones, keep the old and more ghetto kind; watch out for street signs and low branches when walking outside; you must be able to deal with having kinky hair; don’t comb your hair; brush your teeth while singing rap songs in your head, preferably Tupac and Biggy Smalls; put on Dove deodorant to bring out your feminine side; do 10 wait no, do 15 push ups when you wake up and when you go to bed to build up your chest; this is how you should put in and take out your contacts in the morning; make sure the contact lenses are not in sideways or inside out; don’t comb your hair; you must look like every other male member of your family, even distant cousins and uncles; peanut butter and fluff is a necessity before every basketball game you play in; having legible handwriting is a big no-no; don’t go through puberty until freshman year of high school; both knees and ankles must have braces on them for all sporting events; for your 16th birthday a pool lesson from a professional is the only appropriate gift; when you dunk in a game, you must fall on your back and elbow; drawing comparisons to Mr. Goodman should come as no surprise to you; don’t comb your hair, ever; Atlanta, Georgia is like a second home; if you get a call from Coach Zimmerman once a day do not stress out; this is how you block every shot; this is how you dribble the ball off your foot when bringing it up the court; making up funny nicknames for people is a hobby and a skill; who said that playing games during class isn’t right?; scream and pump your fists after every made shot or foul shot; use your inhaler at least 6 times a day, 7 to be safe; grow a Jew fro from 5th grade on; getting hearing aids would not be the worst thing to do; your head should be compared to a peanut on a regular basis; this is how much you should grow every day; your bed time is no later than 9:30; while sleeping, grind your teeth enough so that your mom has to take you to the doctor; don’t comb your hair; migraines will occur at least two or three times a week; when shopping for a car, make sure you can fit!; HE’S ALL COUNTY!; drink up to 5 protein shakes a day, you will never gain any weight; don’t be surprised to get some “He’s on steroids” or “Slim Jim” chants during basketball games; any Halloween costume involving tights is successful; once you go black you never go back; riding a bike really hurt in a bad place; why would you make two foul shots to end the game? Wolfin will come through; growing facial hair takes as long as digging a hole to China; electric razors or tweezers will do for the peach fuzz; who said crying during the Notebook wasn’t manly?; this is how you dance like a true playa; DO NOT COMB YOUR HAIR; as lame as it may sound, your GPA should be over a 4.0; after going to the bathroom, you have to take some pictures!; although basketball camp sounds fun, it is the exact opposite; playing practical jokes and acting mischievous comes naturally; when your parents are in the city for dinner at least 25 people should be at your house; there is no need to wash your face because no one can see that high anyways; eating three meals a day is absolutely unacceptable; magnets near your nose will never turn out good; this is how you do the “Shoulda Leannnnn”; the way girls look means nothing; family dinners happen every weekend of every week; no matter what you do, “just live ya life.”