Introduction

There is a inalienable set of rules that a person must follow from birth. Society sets the standards of "acceptable" actions for people. A girl who likes to read Sports Illustrated more than Seventeen is out of the "norm." Similarly, a guy who would rather sing or dance as opposed to playing a game of two hand touch is "weird" in society. Jamaica Kincaid's poem "Girl" is a mother setting the rules for her daughter's life as a woman. The poem describes what this young girl can or cannot do as a woman in society. Although I am not anywhere near the type of writer that Jamaica Kincaid is, I wrote a poem based off of her poem "Girl". "I Want to be Like Mike" is a poem that describes how to be like Michael Ian Friedberg. His past, present, physical and emotional characteristics are all described throughout my poem. Whether we like it or not, society's guidelines and expectations as humans are with us for our whole lives. 

I Want to be Like Mike

Wake up in the mornings with blurry vision; search for the high powered daily contacts located on the dresser; make sure to eat at least three bowls of cereal for breakfast, but not raisin bran because that is too healthy; pretend that your dog can actually see who you are; when shopping for clothes make sure that you go to the Big and REALLY Tall store; if you wear shoes that match the rest of your outfit you’re doing something wrong; speaking of shoes, size 14 is not nearly big enough you need to buy size 15; don’t get new and fancy cell phones, keep the old and more ghetto kind; watch out for street signs and low branches when walking outside; you must be able to deal with having kinky hair; don’t comb your hair; brush your teeth while singing rap songs in your head, preferably Tupac and Biggy Smalls; put on Dove deodorant to bring out your feminine side; do 10 wait no, do 15 push ups when you wake up and when you go to bed to build up your chest; this is how you should put in and take out your contacts in the morning; make sure the contact lenses are not in sideways or inside out; don’t comb your hair; you must look like every other male member of your family, even distant cousins and uncles; peanut butter and fluff is a necessity before every basketball game you play in; having legible handwriting is a big no-no; don’t go through puberty until freshman year of high school; both knees and ankles must have braces on them for all sporting events; for your 16th birthday a pool lesson from a professional is the only appropriate gift; when you dunk in a game, you must fall on your back and elbow; drawing comparisons to Mr. Goodman should come as no surprise to you; don’t comb your hair, ever; Atlanta, Georgia is like a second home; if you get a call from Coach Zimmerman once a day do not stress out; this is how you block every shot; this is how you dribble the ball off your foot when bringing it up the court; making up funny nicknames for people is a hobby and a skill; who said that playing games during class isn’t right?; scream and pump your fists after every made shot or foul shot; use your inhaler at least 6 times a day, 7 to be safe; grow a Jew fro from 5th grade on; getting hearing aids would not be the worst thing to do; your head should be compared to a peanut on a regular basis; this is how much you should grow every day; your bed time is no later than 9:30; while sleeping, grind your teeth enough so that your mom has to take you to the doctor; don’t comb your hair; migraines will occur at least two or three times a week; when shopping for a car, make sure you can fit!; HE’S ALL COUNTY!; drink up to 5 protein shakes a day, you will never gain any weight; don’t be surprised to get some “He’s on steroids” or “Slim Jim” chants during basketball games; any Halloween costume involving tights is successful; once you go black you never go back; riding a bike really hurt in a bad place; why would you make two foul shots to end the game? Wolfin will come through; growing facial hair takes as long as digging a hole to China; electric razors or tweezers will do for the peach fuzz; who said crying during the Notebook wasn’t manly?; this is how you dance like a true playa; DO NOT COMB YOUR HAIR; as lame as it may sound, your GPA should be over a 4.0; after going to the bathroom, you have to take some pictures!; although basketball camp sounds fun, it is the exact opposite; playing practical jokes and acting mischievous comes naturally; when your parents are in the city for dinner at least 25 people should be at your house; there is no need to wash your face because no one can see that high anyways; eating three meals a day is absolutely unacceptable; magnets near your nose will never turn out good; this is how you do the “Shoulda Leannnnn”; the way girls look means nothing; family dinners happen every weekend of every week; no matter what you do, “just live ya life.”